Anti twitter site of the day

Anti Twitter Site of the Day - The Original Anti Twitter, or as I prefer to call them the Godfather of anti twitter- Decavolt.

"I hate Twitter, and I hate it with a passion. Not because it’s poorly designed, or hard to use - it’s actually very well put together by some very smart people (whom I can’t blame for taking advantage of everyone’s complete lack of modesty on the web). I hate Twitter because of its users."

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However, Decavolt wants you to create anti twitter pages, on twitter. This seems odd- if you are anti twitter you should be blogging about it....right?

jennifer anniston part of anti twitter army

I have always taken the Aniston side of the the Jen vs. Jolie debate. But I am even stronger and more passionate now. Jennifer is on the anti twitter team! Maybe it is only because Jon Mayer uses twitter as a tool to diss her on occasion, but either way.....anniston is anti twitter.

http://www.truveo.com/Jennifer-Aniston-anti-Twitter/id/564273814

Are you anti twitter?

Kutcher wins Twitter race- Why Use Twitter

I can sleep again. Kutcher cooler than CNN. I also found this nice little tidbit:

Why would I want to use twitter? My God, it's so simple. From Twitter's site:

Why? Because even basic updates are meaningful to family members, friends, or colleagues—especially when they’re timely.
Eating soup? Research shows that moms want to know.
Running late to a meeting? Your co–workers might find that useful.
Partying? Your friends may want to join you.

Cue Song:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bmxyj6iInMc

I thought it was funny that they would even have a "why" page on their site, but even more funny that they could explain it in 4 sentances. Apparently it is so brilliant, because it is so simple.

Yes! Legitimate sounding publication dislikes twitter

Anti Twitter article of the day from Huffington Post.


My Favorite Quote:

"Let's be clear about two things. First, like Facebook, Twitter cannot succeed because it has no sustainable business model. Second, Twitter is not socially disruptive; it is socially destructive because it justifies the fragmentation of communication with the illusion that lots of small posts together communicate a coherent and immediate knowledge map on any particular event or subject."

In other words Twitter = Retarded.

Maybe I like twitter....Beyonce doesnt like twitter

Beyonce is one of my least favorite celebrities, coming in at number three behind Celine Dion, and Sandra Bullock, and just ahead of Cameron Diaz at four. The fact that Beyonce and I have something common is frightening, however slightly less frightening than the night when I had the "put a ring on it" song stuck in my head. I think I can move on and continue building my anti-twitter army with Beyonce on my team.

I have decided that if Celine and Sandra come out against twitter, or say they don't get it, that I will have to immediately begin twittering/tweeting/posting stupid hilarioius messages.

Beyonce officially doesnt get twitter, which I hope means that everyone can share my hatred and misunderstanding of the Notorious TWIT. I get twitter, I just really don't get why anyone would want to do it. So maybe I don't get it, or maybe you are just twitarded.

Beyonce went on to say, "My sister is the Twitter queen. She told me about the twittering," explained Beyonce. "But I don't get it". Beyonce blames not getting twitter on getting old. This may be the case, but as I learned from the last geeky online advertising conference I attended, and the fact that many of my friends tweet, Twitter can attract all ages, races, nationalities to the downfall of human communication and interaction.

Now the fact that Beyonce doesnt like Youtube is beyond me. OK, so people film your concerts, and put them on the net. But where else, can you find videos of a drugged up kid after the dentist, people giving their interpretation of historical events after drinking, various will ferrell shorts, or the average everyday normal guy. Youtube is awesome.

Updated: Celine Dion has a twitter account . All is right with the world.

Stupid Twitter Word of the Day - Twintern

Im a sucker for stupid words that contain twitter:

Although it is not quite as wonderul as twittard or twitturd. Twintern does have a nice ring or ridiculousness to it.

Hey college students, are you ready to jumpstart your career in marketing and communication? Can you write 1-2 sentances with ease. Well, then we have the non-paying job for you.

Thanks Pizza Hut!

Boeing to Twitter- Old people everywhere wonder "what is twitter"?

In local news(from Seattle)....Boeing is going to twitter.

I live in seattle, where a large portion of the boeing company is located. A significant amount of the seattle economy is based on boeing jobs and the growth of the company. My two dads actually worked at boeing for over 30 years. They would be so proud of the "Lazy B" for jumping on this bandwagon.

The inaugural flight of the new 787 is approaching and Boeing CEO writes about how media has changed since the last time they did this, in 1994, when the 777 was launched. Now they are blogging about the event and will use the glorious twitter.

I am guessing that this particular tweet page isnt going to rival Ashton and Oprah for one million followers. Especially since the last time I checked Boeing was still using the green screen apple computers, and deals were getting done on paper napkins over dinner at canlis. OK, that was five years ago, I am sure they have upgraded to windows 95.

My dad once got in trouble at work(boeing) for surfing the web for an entire day. He blamed it on a stock ticker, but admits that he may have gone to maxim, and various sports sites as well. I am guessing a "swimsuit issue" was involved.

This post is brought to you by direct response radio advertising and search retargeting

The Daughter McCain- Watch out for Twitter Creeps!

I know what you are thinking. This is actually not a story about the former presidential candidate's daughter being followed on the magical twitter by some 40 year old dude in his parents basement, looking to "hook up".

I am glad, as I am sure there is a lot of instances where creepy old dudes follow young gals on twitter, facebook, and myspace especially- Be careful Parents. *Note to creepy 40 year old guys, if a 16 year old is showing interest in you while chatting on the interweb, there is about an 80% chance you are on "to catch a predator". If for no other reason- DONT RISK IT! I think there might actually be a to catch a predator channel now- It is good TV, but uber disturbing.

It is actually just a blog entry from the daily beast by Meghan McCain, who is really attractive for being a McCain, or just photogenic. McCain calls Political veteran Karl Rove "Creepy" for following her on twitter and making comments on her posts. She also says that "old people of arizona's favorite sheriff" Joe Arpaio is following her on twitter.

She says, "To be honest, I find Rove’s Tweets boring. Sometimes he takes questions; other times he talks about his appearances on cable news and other shows. But he doesn’t say anything substantive."

A side note on Joe Arpaio: My parents, and 100% of their senior community in AZ love the dude. He is hardcore, and I assume his actions deter crime. Pink outfits are funny and all, but that is just the start of it. Don't ever drink and drive in AZ. I think first time offenders get like 6 months in the tent jail. 120 degrees in a tent- that sounds like fun.

Twitturd - Twittard - Twitter Turd

I apologize, but I have been misspelling/misusing the word Twittard. I was incorrectly joining the words twitter and turd, when I should have been using the word combo of twitter and tard. According to the urban dictionary a twittard is:

A person who floods inboxes and facebook home pages of all his or her friends with incessant (re: obnoxious) updates. This person considers even the most mundane events in his or her life to be important enough to broadcast to the world, and in the majority of cases writes in incomplete sentences and obnoxious "SMS shorthand".

Twittard 1: (via his iPhone): "TP I bought @ Costco 2day is hella soft!! \m/." (Ten minutes later) Twittard 1: (via his iPhone): "Dood 2ply ftw" (Two minutes later) Twittard 2: (via his Windows Mobile phone): "@Twittard1: +1" (Two minutes later) Roommate of Twittards: (via the living room at the end of the hallway): Get a life, Twittards, you're wasting everyone's battery.

Thank you urban dictionary, as always!

Twitter traffic doubles in march - Obama twitters about Somali Pirates

An article from the Washington Post reports that Twitter's traffic doubled in March from 4.3 million to 9.3 million proving that the apololypse is near. Obama is twittering about Somali Pirates, Sprint is mentioning twitter in a commercial. My personal favorite was the VH1 show best week ever shamelessly promoting their twitter accounts on the show.

Maybe I am coming around......I just went from I will never use twitter to only if someone is pointing a gun at me. Then I will tweet. Or maybe if someone paid me. Wait, people are getting paid to tweet. If only I can lose my job- The wifee would be so proud. My email signature would look something like this:

Best,

Marty
Professional Twitterer
2211 1st ave S #(basement of my parents house)
Bellevue, WA 98005
tel 888.472.dork x2(if my mom answers tell her its about business)

web http://www.theantitwitter.com/

Please consider the environment before printing this email. (Note* Please add this to your email, the environment is important)

Lohan broken up with on twitter- New #1 way to break up with someone

This is the first logical reason I have heard to use twitter. Breaking up with someone via a creative social media tool, which reqires almost no effort and zero interaction. Although I did feel just a bit bad for Lindsay who got broken up with by a troll. Well, whoever is lucky enough to land the crazy waif next will look like a supermodel in comparison.

I would have to place this number one on my list of the best ways to break up with someone, just ahead of:

2. leaving it on a voicemail
3. texting the break up

4. breaking up over the phone

5. having someone else do it for you

.....and my least favorite, for those who feel the need to do it yourself, and in person, I highly recommend:

Getting really drunk and breaking up in with lots of people around. Remember its your fault and you just don't have a lot of time for relationships right now, with work and all.

Can it get any better? Brittney throws hat in the ring

Now its Ashton vs. CNN vs. Brittney. Who will have twitter supremecy? Who gives a rat's wazzoo? Apparently ABC news, and thousands of twittermaniacs all over the world.

Now there is prizes involved for the millionth twitterer, free tickets to a concert, "Im a loser" t-shirts. I can't wait to see how this one turns out. If only there was a site to track something so momentous(link coming soon)

Quote from Kutcher:
"I just realized I have … 842,550 people that are following my Twitter feed, which is kind of scary to me now," he said. "Like I didn't realize that there were that many people following. That's kind of crazy."

KEY WORDS- SCARY, CRAZY

Translation:
I have millions of dollars and lots of time on my hands. When I am bored, and because people are obsessed with celebrities I post little messages to them. It is amazing how many nerds there are in the world who care. I will continue to post stupid little messages in hopes that I my next movie makes hundreds of millions of dollars. I am also ridiculously good looking and no matter what I do with my hair, or what I wear, I look awesome.

10 reasons not to twitter

There may be an actual use for twitter. Apparently it can be used for business, and teachers have fallen under the spell. Is there really a good reason?

Here are 10 reasons not to use twitter,

1. Because you are busy enough with actual work

2. Because when you are busy not working, while at work, you have enough to do- email, myspace, facebook, linkedin, youtube, blogging, Maxim hot 100.

3. When you are not at work, you don't like to sit around your computer or watch your cel phone to find out what your friend and brittney spears are doing at that exact moment

4. Because you enjoy real interaction with real people- The old fashioned way

5. Because you signed up for twitter to see what all the hooplah was about, and just didnt get it

6. Because admitting that you were tweeting all morning sounds really, really lame

7. Because you dont understand how it is called tweeting, but the site is twitter. Shouldnt that be called twitting? or shouldnt the site have been called tweeter?

8. Because you were one of the first people on myspace, and everyone made fun of you. And now you are the only one over 30 on myspace, and people think you are a creepy weirdo. So now you shun new social media technology

9. Because you joined twitter and no one wanted to follow your tweets and they were really friggin good.

10. Because everyone is doing it, and you are not a follower.

Please respond with other reasons not to tweet. Hopefully there is more reasons than that.

Note: Using friendfeed is not an acceptable answer. That is like saying you use a Mac instead of a PC for social reasons (because microsoft is so big, or something like that). Yah, apple is just a mom and pop company, and you are a trendsetter!

Twitter - Ashton Kutcher vs. CNN

I saw this "headline" on the TV at the gym last night on the scrolling CNN news footer. Is this really news? It was right in between something about the economy and something about the president, which definitely made sense. Here is a a link from CNN.com. Dear God, I hope this isnt on the homepage.

Kutcher has challenged CNN to to a twitter follower competition. Whomever can get 1 million follwers first, wins. I am almost pooping my pants with anticipation. I assume Kutcher will win because twitterers skew a younger demographic. If my mom even know what twitter was and the rest of the baby boomers were on twitter, CNN would surely cruise to victory.

I applaud this as a really smart move by Kutcher, who is most famous for the Minolta camera commercials and consistently perfect hair. He hasnt got much pub lately and clearly there is a lot of twitturds that will think that this dig the move. Perhaps this humanizes him (makes him more nerdy). Maybe he likes D&D and second life too! Hopefully the twitturd army will go out and buy the 70s show DVDs, or "what happens in vegas" with the equally annoying Cameron Diaz.

Cameron is quickly becoming my new Sandra Bullock, who's movies I avoid like the plague(other than speed and the net). Sandra Bullock is to Movies as Celine Dion is to Music. Sorry had to vent there.

Good luck CNN!

12 reasons to start twittering..... and why they are dumb

I found a lot of articles on why people should use twitter. Check this one out on michaelhyatt.com.

10 reasonts to start twittering(and why they are dumg...in italics)

1. It will enable you to experience social networking first-hand.
Dear God, This is a reason? That is like saying I go to work to experience work

2. It will make you a better writer.
If your job pays you to write 3 sentances, then hes got me on this one.

3. It will help you stay connected to people you care about.
Try email, cel phone, facebook(I hate facebook too)

4. It will help you see a new side of your friends.
Try hanging out with them

5. It will introduce you to new friends.
Do we really need more net-friends? Isn't that what myspace is for?

6. It is faster than text-messaging.
And so much more impersonal!

7. It will make you think about your life.
If I need to tweet to think about life, then it may be the end of the world

8. It will help you keep up with what people are talking about.
That is what the interweb is for. Don't get news from other twitter turds

9. It can create traffic for your blog or Website.
OK, not exactly sure how it works, but Im listening

10. It requires a very small investment.
Not a reason. If twitter costed money, who would do it?

11. It can help build your personal “brand.”
If your brand is, " I am a web nerd" then this one is right on

12. It is fun! Twitter is just plain entertaining. "Following your family and friends is kind of like watching reality TV."
If you are interested that all I did today was stare at the google start page- then maybe twitter is fun.

Welcome to The Anti Twitter

The Anti Twitter-

Where you can go when you want to resist the urge to tweet(twit?). I just don't get it. I work in online advertising, and am into all different kinds of social media. But Twitter? Why does anyone give a hoot? Why would anyone care what I am doing right now. I certainly don't care what you are doing right now. I really don't care what hollywood celebrities are doing right now.

I have officially taken a no-twitter stance. Please join me on my crusade against whatever the hell twitter is.